Monday, October 13, 2014

"He wants to Thank You for Loving Him Unconditionally"

Last night I attended a Theresa Caputo live show in Charlotte, NC. For those that are unfamiliar of who this is, she has a show on TLC called, "The Long Island Medium."  The moment I found out she was touring, I immediately knew that I had to go. A medium is someone who connects with the physical world and the spiritual world. I have been wanting to meet with a medium every since Michael died. I know this is a touchy subject and I understand that some with have different opinions on this. 


But from the time I was a young girl I have connected with spirits...not often but often enough.  My family and close friends know this has been going on for some time. Growing up in an old farm house that my great, great grandfather built over 100 years ago was the perfect setting for experiencing unexplainable events.  I would always joke it was "Grandma Ola", who passed away in the house. OR my granddaddy's father, RD, who was killed in an explosion beside the house. I guess I felt the spirits were family and I was never frightened when strange things happened. So naturally when Michael died, I became overwhelmed with wanting to communicate with him.  And I have, not nearly as much I have hoped but enough for me to know he was there. Up until last week I had not experienced anything unusual lately. But I was hoping with the anniversary of his death coming up, he would show up in his own way to say "hey." And sure enough he visited me around 3:30 am last week. Just another one of my sleepless nights staring up looking at the blue night light reflecting off the ceiling. And I saw the shadow move across the ceiling back and forth...then I felt something touching my forehead. And by touching, something touched it...it wasn't a faint feeling. I felt so excited, I didn't sleep the rest of the night. I remember telling my sister, and her saying, "that doesn't freak you out?" And maybe if Michael was alive, it would scare me...but now that he has passed...I know it is him. I ask for him to do stuff all the time to let me know he is with me. So no, it brings me comfort in a crazy way for strange things to happen to me. So I knew his spirit was near me. And I pleaded with him to for weeks to talk to me through Theresa at her show. And wouldn't you know, I got my wish!


Last night I didn't hold back on trying to get the best possible shot with Theresa. I joined her fan club, I got VIP presale tickets, and managed to get an aisle seat just 5 rows from the front. But ultimately it wasn't up to me if Michael would come through. I told my sister, IF some wild reason she gives me a reading, you better take notes! She had her pen and notepad ready. Theresa works in a way that spirits guide her to certain areas and she will say something and ask if someone connects with that statement. Usually it is something specific enough that only a few people may raise their hand. Theresa stated there were about 3000 people there and she might have gotten 30 readings in. She started out by the stage, asking questions. She spoke to a few people, then went to the other side. I was bummed because I figured she would start on that side. But she headed back closer and closer to me. She then turned on my aisle and walked right by me and asked "Does anyone connect with a treehouse?"  I raised my hand and said "I do." And in that surreal moment, she turned around and told me to stand up. I was handed a microphone and had the camera lights zoom in on me, putting me on the big screen. Talk about intimidating and overwhelming. My heart was pounding and then she asked "I see a treehouse...and unfinished treehouse. Does this make sense to you?" I said, "yes!" She said "I see a man's wedding ring, and a heart. Do you understand this?" I said "yes, my husband was killed a year ago, he was in the process of building a treehouse." Then she asked if his mother was in the physical world or spiritual world. I said she was alive and she responded that she was connecting very strongly to mother "feeling."  I know this was Michael's way of showing how important his mom is to him. Next she asked did the number 6 mean anything to me? A date, an age, something. I said No. I did not know what that meant. And then she asked if I could connect with a green shed. I once again said "No". About that time, a gentlemen two rows behind me said that was him! So she turned to this gentleman. I was saddened that she moved on from me. I went to sit down, and Theresa shouted, "Don't sit down yet!!" So eagerly I popped back up!  I remember looking at my sister like, Can you believe this???





Theresa spent a good 5 minutes talking to this gentleman about his grandfather before she turned back to me. And while I don't remember exactly what she said initially, she started back talking about my situation. I may not write this in the exact order she spoke but I am recalling it as close as I can with my sister's help. Theresa went back to the treehouse. She said he keeps bringing up the treehouse. He wants you to finish it. And she asked me if I understood. I said yes. She said, "Do you paint? I keep seeing a silhouette. Did you paint a silhouette of him?" I said, "No I have not painted him, but I painted a silhouette of a deer with his name on it....on a leftover board he was using to build the treehouse. It is placed at his grave."  Next she started talking about a child. She said I see a child in a lunchroom or cafeteria and they are being recognized for something. Does this make sense to you? Well, up until this point I had maintained my composure pretty well. I told her that I did not know, because we did not have children together. He had two children from a previous marriage, and I had not been able to see the boys since his death.  As soon as I utter the words out, there was a loud gasp. What she said next is when the emotional attack took over. She said, "I keep seeing something about their birthdays, a birthday card.. Did you send the boys a card and it get sent back to you, or returned?" I could hardly speak at this point, over come with emotion. I said I keep a box for each of his boys and every birthday, holiday, occasion, I buy them a card and put it in the box until I am able to give it to them personally. She then said "you worry if they think of you?" I cried, "yes." She said, "please know he says the boys think of you often. He wants to THANK YOU for loving him unconditionally." She asked did I understand, and I said Yes. She then said "He wants you to know that he wouldn't have traded your short time together for anything! Do you understand?" I replied, "yes, we were only married a year and a half before he died." Then she said "Please KNOW he is at peace"


And with that, she moved on to someone else.


I sat down in disbelief of what just happened. I was still crying and in shock. But the words she spoke will forever have an impact on me. As much I knew in my heart these things, she validated them for me. Michael is completely aware of what is going on with my life, his mother's life, and his boy's lives. She validated that he died a happy man...He wouldn't have traded our short time together for anything!!He was finally happy and he sees the things I continue to do to prove my love for him.  And I can have peace knowing that he is at peace. He is free from the drama and the burdens he carried. He is at peace.

I just want to take a minute to talk about the significant of the treehouse. While many people would not think much of this, to me it symbolizes a whole lot. When we lived in Cheraw, the boys wanted a treehouse and a zip line. Michael had the boys to draw up their perfect idea of what it would look like. They worked together building this labor of love. The boys helped hammer in nails, hold boards for their daddy, and use the tape measure to mark off sections. Michael and his boys made many memories building this treehouse together.





 


















When we decided to move the boys were sad that the treehouse would not be coming. Michael, being the amazing daddy that he was, took down the entire treehouse by himself, loaded it up on a trailer and hauled it to Hartsville. They were in the process of rebuilding the treehouse right before he died, complete with two real tire swings, a zipline, and a swing set. We spend the last few weeks before he died outside working on this project. I remember one of the boy's saying "This is a backyard paradise!" Our last memories together were spent around this treehouse.  It truly symbolized how happy Michael was.  Of all the things Michael could have communicated about, he chose to pick something so symbolic, something so filled with love and laughter. So you can only imagine how I felt when Theresa asked if someone could connect with a treehouse...




Friday, October 3, 2014

Forever is a Lie

There is no such thing as "forever." There is the here and now. That is all anyone is ever promised. Just this moment.


My forever died. He died October 16, 2013, which is quickly approaching. I have started re-living that nightmare more and more the closer it gets to the 1 year anniversary of his death.


Some people ask me why I am so big on "Live in the moment." This is why. The moment is all you have.  Forever doesn't exist. Forever is a lie.