Welcome to my Journey

I started this blog as a form of therapy for me. I have always kept journals as a way to channel my emotions, but I decided to start this blog after the loss of my husband. At 29 years old I never imagined that I would be a widow. To even make that statement sounds absurd. "widow"  The word itself makes me feel 100 years old. I hope that by telling my story, I will find some peace, comfort and strength to face each day and live a life, I had not expected to live. Maybe along the way, I will inspire someone else who is hurting, and that would make my efforts worthwhile.

My story starts a long time ago, back in 2000 when I met Michael. I remember the very first time I saw him like it was yesterday. We were at Bingham's Light and he was covered in mud. No shirt, dirty shorts, a backwards hat (his trademark) and the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. I remember the events as clear as crystal water from that night. I knew in my heart, I had met my match.  I guess that is the thing about soul mates. You feel each other, and know each other in a way you can't explain to anyone else.  And that's how I knew he had died, before I knew. I knew in my heart when I went looking for him, he was dead. I knew there was a wreck, and I knew he was gone. I knew it in my heart before anyone told me or before I came up on the wreck.  Oct 16, 2013 was the worst day of my life. I lost the man who was my soul mate. At 29 years old, you aren't supposed to be a widow. At 29 years old, you aren't supposed to have to bury your best friend, your inspiration for life, your other half. But I did.  I know my life will never be the same. I know I will carry this emptiness inside of me for my whole life. He left a void that no other person will ever fill. He left me, but I am still here. And I have to find a way to face each day and learn to start over.

This is my journey, this is my battle, and hopefully will be my triumphs. My story is just getting started and I hope to share my life to anyone who wants to read. But more importantly, I am doing this for me. If no one reads my story, that is ok. I am learning to live for myself and I have to find a way to do that. This is one of my coping methods. I hope this experience will bring me closer to God. I hope it restores my broken faith, and I hope it makes me a better person at the end of the day. God makes no mistakes, and he chose to call Michael home on Oct 16 and he chose me to be a survivor. I may not have any answers or understand why at this time. But I trust God and I know there is a reason.