The Dark Side of Death

 Grief is like a tidal wave, you can be feeling strong and firm and that wave comes along and knocks you back down. Sometimes it not only knocks you down, but pulls you out to sea and almost drowns you. This is the dark side of death. The side you fight so hard against but at times there is nothing you can do to avoid the massive wave of emotions you feel. September, October, and most of November this year, I was hit hard by a tidal wave. I knew that October would be emotional, but what I did not anticipate was the dark hole I would fall in to for almost 3 months. Even though I strive to stay positive and focus on "moving forward"...I myself am not superhuman. I can only control so much and the pain I felt when dealing with the year anniversary of Michael's death was almost as bad  as the first few months  of life after Michael died.  A lot of those painful feeling resurfaced  and I began to withdraw myself. I pulled away from my family, my friends, from work...from life. I no longer wanted to participate in anything. For the first time in a long time I struggled with feeling like I didn't want to live. I felt no joy in life and struggled to get through each day without breaking down. I would go to work, and as soon as I would get in my car to leave I would start crying.  I'd come home and lay on the couch feeling so much pain and just cry. My heart was so broken all over again.  I became severely depressed and was struggling to find hope in anything. I write all that to say this...I didn't give up. And those closest to me didn't give up on me.

A few weeks ago, I began to re-enter my life again and making efforts to do what I needed to do to get myself back on track. To those that are grieving...don't give up. You don't have to be strong all the time, its ok to fall apart but the important thing is to remember you are alive for a reason. You are a survivor for a reason. God has a plan for me, and God has a plan for you even though it is hard to understand at certain times. God knows what He is doing.  Take your pain and try to do something positive with it. Focus on helping others, or doing something for someone, without expecting anything in return. Focus on what you can do to help someone else, instead of focusing on the pain you feel. Ask God to use you in a way that helps heal you while serving others.

To those of you who love someone who is grieving...I can offer this advice. Grief turns you into a creature that is not always the true you. Grief can cause you to isolate yourself from people, work, and activities. And it can hit you from out of nowhere. It can cause you to lose joy in living. If a grieving person seems distant, moody, selfish, or "unlike" themselves...they aren't acting like that on purpose. Grief comes in waves. For me, I can have weeks where I am doing great, and then it hit me and cripple me all over again. Sometimes the grief is more intense than others, and I am still learning to deal with this new life I have been faced with. I will never be the same person I was before I lost Michael. Death changes you. Please just be there to love and support those who are dealing with loss. Sometimes just a simple call or text to let them know that you are thinking about them or praying for them can mean so much. If a grieving person declines invites, or declines to be a part of something, don't stop asking them. When that person is ready, they will rejoin and want to be involved. Please don't think a grieving person is being "rude" just because you don't understand their behavior. Most importantly, if you are someone important to a grieving person...do not give up on them. Understand that they may be difficult at times. They may be happy one moment and upset the next. It is important to realize that the core support group keeps that grieving person alive.  That person NEEDS you...even if their actions show they don't. If your child, best friend, or someone close is grieving a devastating loss, then educate yourself on grief. Even after time passes and they seem "better" grief will attack  their life again. Be involved and be patient. Just love that person through the pain they are going through. Above all else, do not walk away from someone because you are frustrated or feel uncomfortable.  I read a quote that sums this post up perfect, "life is messy and if you love someone you are willing to get dirty for them."