I am 14 months post loss. I find that I am changing and evolving continuously as I move forward in this life. As humans we are ever evolving and changing. That is how we have survived on this earth for centuries. As a survivor of losing a loved one, I myself have been evolving over the past year. I have tried different things to ease the pain. I have become consumed in things to stay busy at times. I have withdrawn myself at times. I have done everything that looks "normal" to someone on the outside, but the truth is I was still very empty on the inside. I needed a change. I needed to refocus...starting with MYSELF and learn to heal and learn to experience life again the way it should be experienced. I needed to break up with the old Caroline and start fresh with a new relationship with myself. The truth is I have been in a very bad relationship with myself over the past year. And grief affects people differently, so who is to say what is the "right" way or the "wrong" way to feel. But I had reached my limit and decided to take back over my life. After coming out. a few months ago, of one of the worst depressions I have ever had...I made a promise to myself. I promised I would get myself the help I needed to put myself back in control of my life and fight this battle. If you don't take some steps to surround yourself with people who see the light, rather than see darkness, you will remain stuck in the shadows. I was tired of living in the darkness. The only way to start healing is to make a choice to not remain where you are...not to remain in the darkness. To learn to dance between the shadows and keep looking toward the light.
One of the greatest things I have done for myself lately, that has changed me, has been practicing yoga. And how lucky am I that my best friend teaches and practices it. This practice has taught me to learn to appreciate myself, first and foremost. It is about learning to find balance in your life and learning to let go of the things you can not change.
It has taught me about honoring awareness of the soul, and learning to love myself, even if I am broken. These are a few of the affirmations I am learning to live by. (Click on them to make bigger)
These are just a few of the things I am learning to live by. And if it were not for my beautiful friend, Belinthia Poole, I would never have given yoga a second thought. She has truly awoken my soul, and I am forever grateful to her. She has walked with me through this journey and helped be my voice of reason when my mind was cluttered.
Starting yoga has made me want to make changes in my life in other ways as well. It has made me aware of myself and how to work toward creating balance in my life. This is one reason I have decided to deactivate my personal Facebook page. I am learning to pull away from things that do not create balance in my life and push toward things that do. I think like many of us, I got caught up in social media and at this point in my life, my new focus is on myself. I decided to keep my blog and my public Facebook Page "Barefoot & Beautifully Broken." Because I still want to chronicle my journey and work toward being a positive source of light to those struggling through the darkness.
I am optimistic for 2015. I am optimistic that this year will bring great changes in me and bring much needed peace to my heart. Happy New Year and here's to a fresh start!
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