Michael's love for the outdoors

This was written Saturday, Oct 26. I just forgot to publish it.

Today has been a good day for the most part. I spend a long time at Michael's graveside. It was calm the entire time until I got ready to leave. I whispered "I love you" and blew him a kiss. The biggest gush of wind came shooting through. The weather is such a fickle thing...if you like to believe that.

I was able to hold myself together for a good portion of the day, keeping my crying spells to a minimum today. I was excited to get to go hunting. I walked around all day in his clothes thinking about the afternoon. I'm sure I look really comical, me being 110 lbs and wearing his 2xl shirts and lounge pants. But it brings me comfort feeling closer to him in any way possible. So I wear his clothes and look ridiculous, but everyone in this household knows that is just the way it is.

Friday evening I decided to shoot my gun for the first time this year, since I had decided to go hunting on Saturday. Michael bought me a .243 rifle for Christmas one year and he was so proud that I was becoming more involved with hunting. Friday I had been having a bad day. I couldn't pull myself together for much of anything. But something about that gun when I pulled it out, I felt a change in me. Marc, my brother in law, supervised =). He set everything up for me and set up a target. First shot...Bullseye. I felt Michael all around me after that. And the rest of the evening I was in a happy place. So strange how that works. But I knew it was there with me.

Saturday I went hunting for the first time without Michael. I was excited and nervous at the same time. Michael and I often would hunt different stands, but we were always in the woods together at the same time. I wanted to go, because I knew it would bring me peace to be outdoors, in the stand, with nature. And I knew Michael would be with me.

 For Support, Haley, and Marc went with me. For the record, Haley has never been hunting so this was truly just out of love for me that she went to sit with me in the stand. This was the first time Marc had been hunting since Michael's accident as well. Marc and Michael shared his last night together, and hunted together. Marc killed a deer and Michael told him it was "because I let him have the good stand". That was Michael. Always wanting to do for other people.  Michael was on his way home from hunting when he wrecked. Haley, Marc, and I all carried a piece of the shirt Michael was wearing from his final hunting trip, from his final day on earth. Some may think that is weird to carry a piece of clothing that he was wearing when he died, but I don't really care. For me, it brings me closer to him because it was the last thing on his body when he was alive.  And I do all kind of strange things now that he is gone to help me cope with his death.

Haley and I sitting in one of my favorite stands. It was one that Michael and I would hunt together sometimes.

Marc making sure we were safe before he left to go to another stand. Like I said, this was Marc's first trip back in the woods since Michael's death. They were together on the night he died. Marc's bandana is made from Michael's shirt.  So many people have been affected by Michael leaving us, not just me. I'm thankful we have the support of each other to help us all get through each day.

I was hoping Michael would push a big buck out for me, but  no such luck. However, we saw about 6 does, and 2 small 4points. Haley was glad that she didn't have to witness anything being shot. I was glad to be in Michael's world and feel, for a small moment in time, like he was still here with me.

 

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I wanted to share some special pictures of our love for the outdoors, since my spirits are high at the moment.  And hopefully I can look at them without crying the whole time. Michael loved being outdoors and so did I. We loved hunting and fishing, riding 4 wheelers, and riding down old dirt roads.

Michael loved teaching his boys about fishing and hunting.

                                     And of course Caroline loved to tag along and "outdo the boys" =)

 Michael and I always had a sense of humor about our enjoyment for the woods. Even at Halloween, we still were thinking about hunting.

 Michael would make practice targets so I could improve my aim and teach me about the rifle he bought me. He was always creative in everything he did.

 One of the best feelings in the world. Sitting in the deer stand. Watching mother nature and bonding all at the same time. We were like two peas of the same pod.

                                                Always trying to steal kisses from me :)

                                                  I always told him, I loved a man in camo

                                                   He said I cleaned up nice myself

The 3 stooges fishing together

His smile was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, and it always made me smile. It was contagious.

Doing what we loved

 

He always made me feel safe. I feel his arms wrapped around me now, even though he isn't physically here with me anymore

The very first deer I shot. Michael was on the tractor on the other side of the land and I was bored. So I told him I was going to go sit in the stand. I'll never forget as I walked off he said, "Don't forget to take your gun!"  This moment will forever live in my heart. He was so proud of me for shooting my first deer. It wasn't a big one, but I did it all on my own. He always told me I learned from the best =)