It's Halloween...Any ghosts out there??

Today is Halloween. What an appropriate day to want to see a ghost...well not just any ol' ghost, but one in particular. =) Just a little Halloween humor. Because I have had not 1 but 2 good days ... in a row... and that is amazing. I really don't even have to see his ghost, because he has been with me the past 2 days and his presence has been STRONG. I like it, I hope he sticks around with me for a while.

Yesterday I finally went out for pretty much for the first time since the accident and had dinner with my beautiful friend Belinthia. I enjoyed myself. I wore makeup. She fixed me up real pretty. And fixed my hair. And I felt like a living person again. It was a nice change from the past two weeks. Michael knew I needed it. Thank you Michael for allowing me to be strong and go out in public and not break down and cry. Not once while in public. So no one thought I was the crazy girl who just lost her husband and acts like a maniac. (I hope?) 

I stayed with Belinthia and she was the sweetest. She played her sound machine with background sounds, and read to me from her yoga books. And I fell asleep. And slept all night. Peacefully. Well, with the exception of Abby, who slept on my head.

Today was also a good day. I have been struggling really hard with a few issues and I finally have had that burden lifted. Michael would be so proud. And he knows what I'm talking about. I think that is why he has been with me so much the past few days. I needed some clarity and I have it now. I feel relieved and I know he is relieved. He is free from this burden and now I am free from this burden. It feels amazing. And in a strange, ironic way, this helps me find peace with Michael's passing. I am reminded that the good Lord knows what he is doing. And Michael is at peace, and as strange as it seems...this brings me peace. I think that is why a love like ours is so strong. I can find peace in Michael being gone, because the Lord has given him a kind of freedom that he was not allowed here on earth. And when you truly love someone, you are not happy unless they are happy. You hurt for them when they hurt, you are stressed when they are stressed, you are happy when they are happy...and NOW you are at peace when they are at peace.  Thank you God for bringing peace to Michael, and that ultimately brings peace to me.

I wanted to share some pictures from Michael's resting place. This first picture was right after he was buried. The flowers were so beautiful. Michael had so many people that cared for him, admired him, loved him and thought of him. I've never seen so many beautiful flowers.

I decided to place these two pumpkins at his grave. Michael died on Wednesday, but on Tuesday the night before, he bought these. Michael, me, Nic, and Nate went shopping for Halloween decorations. We only bought two pumpkins for the time being and had planned to go to the pumpkin patch on Saturday to buy more. So we each could carve one. We needed atleast 4 and possibly more. But it was a Tuesday evening and 2 pumpkins were a good start.  By the time Saturday came, we were burying Michael in the ground. If we had only known.

I wrote a special love note on each pumpkin.

And so after all the flowers had died, and everything was cleaned up. We were left with this: Clean, simple, and understated. And as beautiful as all those flowers were...this is much more Michael.  He was a simple man. He didn't want to be the center of attention. He liked to be understated. As soon as his graveside looked like this...I felt happier. Because I knew it made Michael happier.

Oh yea, and Hunter missed his daddy too. He had to jump in the truck when I went to take down the flowers.  I don't know why I thought that was a good idea. Because it was a disaster when we got to the cemetery and he got out of the truck. Lesson Learned...Michael may be with me...but I may be expecting too much to think he will make the dog behave.  Hunter will not go back unless he is on a leash...needless to say.

 

I want to close this post with a quote that was sent to me by Megan Campbell. I love this and think it is beautiful and sometimes a quote can take you a long way when you need it. Thank you Megan!

 

"I loved the boy with the utmost love of which my soul is capable; and he was taken from me. Yet in the agony of my spirit in surrendering such a treasure, I feel a thousand times richer than if I had never possessed it."