4 weeks and 10,000 views

Today makes 4 weeks since the night that changed my life. And today I reached over 10,000 views of my blog. This amazes me. Who would have ever thought so many people would be interested in my most personal thoughts. But then who would have thought my life would have turned out the way it has? I certainly would not believe someone if they would have told me this a few months ago. I saw this picture and it perfectly describes me:

 

I don't know if I feel strong...but people tell me every day how strong I am. I guess I don't have a choice. If I want to live, I have to be. I don't have any other option, but to suffer through the pain everyday. I breathe in...I breathe out...and I repeat. And that has been by life the past 4 weeks.

 

I have said that I felt Michael was my purpose in life. I said that when he was alive, and I say it now.  So now that he is gone, naturally I feel I have no purpose in life. I know that is a bold statement to make but it's how I feel. I was asked to go on an overnight trip with work to visit my plant in North Carolina. Initially I said there would be no way. I can't go sit at my desk without crying so I didn't want to go meet new people in the emotional state I have been in. What a great first impression that would be. But after taking the weekend to think about it, I decided I would go. I have worked at Sonoco for 6 months now and communicate on a daily basis with the plant. I wanted to put faces to names, and voices. I wanted to be strong. And I wanted to go. And yes, I did cry.

 

I can not say enough good things about the people I work with. They have embraced my situation and poured out love and support with open arms. They take care of me like family. I am blessed to have this job, and I feel that as I struggle to find purpose...I look to my job. I do feel valued and appreciated and this does give me strength to go back to work. This gives me a feeling that I am needed. And at a time when my life is in a shambles...it is amazing to feel needed. To have that support means more than I can express.

 

I am glad I went. It was a welcomed change of scenery. I learned a lot more about my job and learned more about how the plant operates. And a glimpse of purpose came back into my life. As hard as it is, I am thankful that God gave me the strength to go and I am glad to have learned the things I did. I am thankful for coworkers that genuinely care about me. I am thankful God allows me to be able to see the silver linings in the clouds. I came home with a good feeling. And those have been few and far between in the last 4 weeks.

 

I could write about the pain my heart feels everyday. But today I chose to write about a small triumph for me. Small things are big things these days.



 

 "The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; you love, O LORD, endures forever--do not abandon the works of your hands" (Psalm 138:8)