The Survivor Tree

Each day I try to find strength in something, so I can get through to the day. I t doesn't happen every day. Some days are just plain awful. I cry a lot. I hurt a lot. And I feel numb. Some days I am stronger, and I smile and even laugh. This past weekend was filled was mostly smiles and laughter and I am extremely thankful for that.

4 of my best friends, and myself went to New York City from Thurs-Sun. This trip had been planned since this summer. It was a surprise for Megan's 30th birthday. I, myself, care nothing about big cities. I am a small town, slow pace, talk s-l-o-w kind of girl. I really had no desire to go to New York City. But I didn't want to miss out on the chance to spend 4 days with 4 of my best friends. So I said I would go. God must have known how much I would have needed this trip.

Although this trip was not what I would call "relaxing"...it was a break from my everyday painful life. All my friends know I am stricken with panic attacks...and have anxiety like no other. I fainted in my own wedding...twice. It's nothing new with me. I just deal with it. I don't do crowds, I don't do big cities, I don't do fast pace...but after going through the worst phase in my life...I could handle New York. I have been forced to deal with so many uncomfortable things since Michael's death...I am becoming used to the feeling of being "unfamiliar". I never knew a person could feel so many emotions and feel so much pain. Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you and knocking you off your feet.

My favorite part of the trip was visiting Ground Zero. I think by so recently experiencing tragedy, my heart was overcome with emotion by visiting this memorial. As I walked down the streets, I imagined the fear and panic that those people must have felt. I cringed at the thought of what it must have been like to be a part of 9/11. You watch stories on tv and you see the news...but it really hit me hard when I was there. I began to think of all the people who were lost that day. And I couldn't help but think of ALL the people who LOST someone. I am one person, and I feel so much pain. Try to imagine all the loved ones who lost someone to that terrible attack. My heart just felt so heavy. Having going through a loss, it was all I could think of to feel the pain of so many.

They place a rose by the name of someone if their birthday is on that day. I didn't even notice this until after I posted the name was Michael. The only rose I saw that day, and his name was Michael.

This is the Survivor Tree and this is the story:

 

 “The tree was originally planted at the world trade center complex in the 1970′s. It was discovered in the rubble weeks after the 9/11 attacks with snapped roots and a blackened trunk. It was taken to the Arthur Ross Nursery in van Cortlandt Park in The Bronx and nursed back to health. It was 8 feet tall at the time of the attacks and now stands 35 feet tall. It was replanted at the site on 12/22/2010. The tree symbolizes the city and country’s resilience“.

 

This just really struck me as inspirational. I read it over and over and just think about what that means.  "Standing tall, it bears witness to the possibility of renewal and serves as a living reminder of our shared strength in the face of even the most unimaginable tragedy."

 



Standing with the Survivor Tree. A survivor myself. I know I have a long way to go. And a lot of hurt, and hurdles to face. I am glad I went on this trip. This trip was good for my soul. It was good to be with my friends. It was good to remember what laughter is like. I am thankful I visited this memorial and learned about this tree. I feel like this tree has helped me and will help me in remembering that I am strong and I am a survivor.