Sunny Saturday

It's been a sunny Saturday and a good Saturday, for the most part. Mornings are hard. I don't sleep much and I'm always awake early, always so much on my mind. Last night I distinctly remember one of my dreams. The entire dream, I was dying. I knew I was dying and I was telling all my loved ones and then I died. I woke up thinking "how disturbing." But I know dreams are said to mean things, so I looked up what it meant to dream you were dying. And I was blown away at what it said:

Die
To dream that you die in your dream symbolizes inner changes, transformation, self-discovery and positive development that is happening within you or your life. You are undergoing a transitional phase and are becoming more enlightened or spiritual. Although such a dream may bring about feelings of fear and anxiety, it is no cause for alarm as it is often considered a positive symbol. Dreams of experiencing your own death usually means that big changes are ahead for you. You are moving on to new beginnings and leaving the past behind. These changes does not necessarily imply a negative turn of events. Metaphorically, dying can be seen as an end or a termination to your old ways and habits. So, dying does not always mean a physical death, but an ending of something. You are about to embark on some new life adventure.        

I just kind of thought to myself, wow. I mean what else can you say to that.

On to other things, the past few years I have always wanted a nicer camera. Michael was going to get me one for Christmas this year. Well after having some time to think about it, I decided I should go ahead and get a camera. I will have a lot of free time of my hands now and it might be a therapeutic hobby. Initially I wanted the camera so I could take pictures of my family. Well, now I'm sure my pictures will be of my dogs and nature but that's ok. I hope that maybe I can get some good shots that at some point I could turn into a painting.  Not that I have wanted to paint any in the last few weeks. But hopefully as time passes, I will want to paint again. Michael always wanted me to paint the barn at my parents. He had been telling me for the longest time, I should paint it. He knew how much I love that barn. I hope that one day I will take a picture I like, and paint the barn from it. I know that would make him smile.

My dad has always loved photography. He has been extra excited about my decision to start taking pictures as a hobby. I have been getting lessons for the past few days.  It gives me something to focus on my attention on, even if for a short time. It is hard for me to focus on anything for any amount of time these days. My mind just is stuck in this fuzzy space of nothing. I just become oblivious to things around me. So it was a welcomed change to focus on something for a few hours today. Below are a few of my favorites from today that I took.

 Dad and Tula in the cotton fields. That dog is his baby.

I love this of the cotton. I hope I can turn this into a painting one day.

 My sidekick and constant companion, Benny. You know they say that animals understand when you are grieving, and I believe it. He stays by my side, no matter what.

 Now, I know I am biased, but Hunter has to be prettiest lab I have ever seen. Michael and I got him as a puppy for the boys in 2011 for a Christmas present. We debated on names for weeks before he was old enough for us to get. But all we really needed to do was ask the boys what they thought. I remember asking Nate, "What do you want to name the puppy?" He thought for a minute and said, "Hunter. Because daddy likes to hunt." Michael and I looked at each other and smiled. And so he was named. Nate was so proud of coming up with the name. He would often remind us that HE was the one who named him, ALL by himself. Sweet memories. Sweet Hunter.

 Dad taking the dogs for a bike ride. These dogs love to run. Tula, Hunter, Timber, and Jake. Maggie is missing, she was still in the woods.  Benny could care less about running around with that crowd. His legs are too short. He can't keep up. lol

I don't know anything better than sitting outside, in the country, on a beautiful day, to make your soul feel better. I'm thankful I am having a good day today. This week has been tough and it was much needed for a peaceful day. I think I will go visit Michael's grave now. Most days I don't talk to him. I just sit there. We sit in peace and quiet. After all, now he is resting in PEACE =)